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The Terrible Twos
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Every kid goes through them, we all dread them and yet somehow
we get through them. While the terrible twos are a frustrating
time for parents filled with many unwanted battles, it is
important to know that they are a necessary development phase
for all children. Some toddlers will have a worse case of
them than others, but whatever your child’s temperament,
you can help her to navigate through this difficult time.
Children are born into this world depending on their parents
for their every need. In the beginning their needs are really
very basic. It is easy for them to comply with your every
wish because all that you require of them is very basic. You
want them to eat as much as they want their hunger pangs to
be satisfied. You want to change their diaper as much as they
want to not wear it. Young babies also love to please their
parents. They are reactive to the feelings and moods that
their parents have. If you are happy, your baby will be happy.
If you are frustrated and tense, your baby will feel that
as well. But as these little ones begin to grow older, they
begin to be filled with an incredibly strong desire to become
unique individuals. They realize that they are separate from
you and they want to express that. Welcome to the terrible
twos.
This stage of development usually occurs sometime after the
first birthday, usually around 18 months, and lasts through
the third birthday. It is marked by defiance and temper tantrums.
It is an emotional time, and not just for the parents. Children
still like to please their parents, but the only way for them
to make their own choices is to go against those of their
mothers and fathers. Your child does not want to upset you,
but he also desperately needs to set himself apart from you.
This is why your child may burst into tears. He is expressing
this inner turmoil. He throws temper tantrums because he is
not being given the opportunity to make his own choices.
There are some things that you, as a parent, can do to help
your toddler get through this tough but necessary stage. First
and foremost though, you need to understand that your child’s
behavior is not about you or your parenting style. It is only
about her and her need to learn how to make appropriate choices
and becoming her own, unique individual. You can also do much
to help your little one by offering her choices at every opportunity.
Do not ask her to make decisions with open-ended questions
such as, “What do you want to eat?” This is much
too difficult at such an early age. Instead, offer her 2 or
3 options. “Would you like an apple or a banana?”
It is much easier for your toddler to choose between 2 or
3 appropriate options and it also gives her the security that
she needs by letting her know that she is not calling all
of the shots. Other helpful things you can do include keeping
a routine, setting limits, keeping a safe environment for
your child to play and explore in and not giving into tantrums.
The terrible twos are a tough time for any parent, but they
are a rite of passage that must be gone through. They lead
the way to a strong, unique individual that can make his own
choices and understand their consequences. We all want to
raise responsible children who have a voice of their own and
can speak up for themselves. The terrible twos are necessary
in order to attain such a lofty goal.
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