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Boyfriends, babies often mix poorly
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A 3-year-old boy held in scalding water is
being treated for third-degree burns at the Via Christi Regional
Medical Center-St. Francis Campus.
His mother, 23-year-old Amber K. Pierce, and her boyfriend, 24-year-old
Rex L. Wells III, have been charged with felony child abuse for
the incident authorities say happened about a week ago.
Friday, an 11-month-old boy died from head injuries doctors said
don't appear accidental.
Police have booked the boyfriend of the child's aunt on charges
of first-degree murder.
A charge isn't a conviction. There's a lot to sort through yet.
We don't know much about the dynamics of these relationships.
Still, the circumstances surrounding these cases ring sadly familiar
to prosecutors.
Many -- if not most -- of the 1,800 abuse or molestation cases affecting
2,500 children each year in Sedgwick County involve a mother's or
a caretaker's boyfriend, said District Attorney Nola Foulston.
"This is a constant thorn in my side," she said.
How many abuse cases could we eliminate if mothers had an option
other than moving in with a boyfriend? If they wouldn't be homeless
otherwise? If they weren't dependent on the boyfriend for support?
"A significant amount," Foulston said. "Anecdotally,
obviously, it would have a dramatic impact."
In the past two years, other cases involving abusive boyfriends
have made headlines: Police arrested a 20-year-old man for the beating
of his girlfriend's 2-year-old. A 3-month-old died after her mother's
boyfriend shook and bit her to death.
Boyfriends often find a child extraneous to their relationship with
a woman, a competitor for her attention, Foulston said.
"There's a lack of bonding there along with a lack of understanding
and maturity," she said. "They don't understand a baby's
cry and they end up hurting the baby because it won't stop crying."
A power differential, in which a mother comes to rely on a boyfriend
financially, makes the situation worse.
"These girls can't do it on their own, and they get hooked
up with the wrong people," Foulston said. "They put the
relationship ahead of their kids."
The boyfriend also may be abusing the mother, said Fran Betzen Cook,
staff supervisor at Harbor House, a domestic violence shelter.
Many women with sons remain with abusive boyfriends because they
think their sons need male role models, Cook said.
The mothers often insist that they've shielded children from the
sounds in another room. But the kids know.
And half the time the mother is being abused, so are the children,
Cook said.
"What they don't realize is that sometimes the boyfriend will
start hurting the mom first and once he has her under control, they
can more easily hurt the children," she said.
A lot of the women know they're between a rock and a hard place
but without a job that pays a living wage, surviving as a single
parent can feel impossible.
"It's really frustrating when they go back to an abuser for
financial reasons," Cook said.
That's why Cook says more beds are needed in the emergency shelter.
So are more donations to help women with kids go to school, find
jobs and find safe, affordable housing.
The problem is larger than you might think.
Last year, Harbor House had to turn away 547 women.
I shudder at the thought of how many were mothers who ended up at
a boyfriend's house.
Harbor House's 24-hour help lines: 263-6000 in town and 1-866-899-5522
outside the area.
http://www.kansas.com/mld/kansas/news/columnists/mark_mccormick/13908187.htm
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