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Advocates say keeping child close creates strong bond
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For Austin Rees, attachment parenting was the obvious
choice when raising her two children, Isabella, almost 3, and Declan,
11 months.
"I decided to do it because it was easy and it seemed natural,"
says Rees, 30.
New parents may feel overwhelmed by all the information out there
about nutrition, sleeping habits, rashes, vaccines, SIDS, RSV. On
top of all that, taking on the attachment parenting philosophy can
seem like just another thing on the to-do list, impossible to accomplish
in the real world.
Between feedings, diaper changes and doctors' visits, who has time
to read parenting philosophies, anyway?
But Rees says attachment parenting is easy because, instead of
teaching unfamiliar rules and timing schedules for caring for babies,
this approach allows parents to follow their instincts. When a baby
is hungry, he is fed. When he cries, he is never ignored.
"The main principle is to listen to their cries when they
are very small," Rees says. "Then they develop more confidence
and independence when they are older."
Attachment parenting encourages a very close, trust-filled bond
between parents and baby from the day the child is born. Knowing
their needs will be met, children grow without anxiety. They approach
the growing independence of toddlerhood with self-assurance.
The most visible sign of attachment parenting is "babywearing."
A parent uses a large swath of cloth, usually with a buckle on one
end, to create a hammock-like sling that holds the baby against
her chest.
"You can put them on your back, your hip, your front. You
can nurse discreetly in them," Rees says. "They are used
to your movements, especially when they are first born. Quiet and
being still, they are not used to."
Under attachment parenting ideals, one parent or the other "wears"
the baby in a sling for the majority of the day. Rees says while
this may seem taxing, it is actually freeing. Both hands are free,
and the parent is neither worrying about the baby nor having to
interrupt other activities to go and check on the baby.
"Babywearing means changing your mindset of what babies are
really like," Dr. William Sears writes on his Web site, www.askdrsears.com.
"New parents often envision babies as lying quietly in a crib,
gazing passively at dangling mobiles, and picked up and carried
only to be fed and played with and then put down. You may think
that 'up' periods are just dutiful intervals to quiet your baby
long enough to put him down again. Babywearing reverses this view.
Carry your baby in a sling many hours a day, and then put her down
for sleep times and tend to your personal needs."
This practice not only creates a strong bond, it also creates a
generally contented baby, according to Sears.
The seven B's
In order to simplify the philosophy he developed over 30 years as
a pediatrician and raising his own children with his wife, Martha,
Sears broke down the basics of early attachment parenting into the
seven B's:
1. Birth bonding. The way baby and parents get started with one
another helps the early attachment unfold. The days and weeks after
birth are a sensitive period in which mothers and babies are uniquely
primed to want to be close to one another. A close attachment after
birth and beyond allows the natural, biological attachment-promoting
behaviors of the infant and the intuitive, biological, caregiving
qualities of the mother to come together. Both members of this biological
pair get off to the right start at a time when the infant is most
needy and the mother is most ready to nurture.
2. Breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is an exercise in babyreading.
Breastfeeding helps you read your baby's cues, her body language,
which is the first step in getting to know your baby. Breastfeeding
gives baby and mother a smart start in life. Breastmilk contains
unique brain-building nutrients that cannot be manufactured or bought.
Breastfeeding promotes the right chemistry between mother and baby
by stimulating your body to produce prolactin and oxytocin, hormones
that give your mothering a boost.
3. Babywearing. A baby learns a lot in the arms of a busy caregiver.
Carried babies fuss less and spend more time in the state of quiet
alertness, the behavior state in which babies learn most about their
environment. Babywearing improves the sensitivity of the parents.
Because your baby is so close to you, you get to know baby better.
Closeness promotes familiarity.
4. Bedding close to baby. Wherever all family members get the best
night's sleep is the right arrangement for your individual family.
Co-sleeping adds a nighttime touch that helps busy daytime parents
reconnect with their infant at night. Since nighttime is scary time
for little people, sleeping within close touching and nursing distance
minimizes nighttime separation anxiety and helps baby learn that
sleep is a pleasant state to enter and a fearless state to remain
in.
5. Belief in the language value of your baby's cry. A baby's cry
is a signal designed for the survival of the baby and the development
of the parents. Responding sensitively to your baby's cries builds
trust. Babies trust that their caregivers will be responsive to
their needs. Parents gradually learn to trust in their ability to
appropriately meet their baby's needs. This raises the parent-child
communication level up a notch. Tiny babies cry to communicate,
not to manipulate.
6. Beware of baby trainers. Attachment parenting teaches you how
to be discerning of advice, especially those rigid and extreme parenting
styles that teach you to watch a clock or a schedule instead of
your baby; you know, the cry-it-out crowd. This "convenience"
parenting is a short-term gain, but a long-term loss, and is not
a wise investment. These more restrained styles of parenting create
a distance between you and your baby and keep you from becoming
an expert in your child.
7. Balance. In your zeal to give so much to your baby, it's easy
to neglect the needs of yourself and your marriage. The key to putting
balance in your parenting is being appropriately responsive to your
baby — knowing when to say "yes" and when to say
"no," and having the wisdom to say "yes" to
yourself when you need help.
In the Rees household, Declan sleeps near Mom.
"It's easier," Austin Rees says. "Especially in
the middle of the night when he wants to nurse."
When his father, Brad, a soldier, is not deployed, the three sleep
together. Rees says her daughter, nicknamed Bella, moved seamlessly
into her own bedroom two weeks before Declan was born.
Rees grew up in La Leche League meetings, which her mother led.
Now Rees is one of the leaders of the local La Leche League group,
which promotes the many values of breastfeeding. Although attachment
parenting is separate from La Leche League, many of the parents
involved share nature-based philosophies of parenting. Rees uses
cloth diapers, for example, and prefers to feed her family whole,
organic foods.
"Seven percent of cloth diapered babies get diaper rash, compared
to 78 percent of disposable diapered babies," Rees says.
Declan was born in his North Clarksville home with the assistance
of a midwife, and Bella was born in the family's previous home in
Virginia.
Rees says some people worry attachment parenting practices will
create a child who is overly dependent, unable to function for even
a moment out of Mom's sight. Rees says that hasn't proved true in
her experience.
"It's neat to watch, also," Rees says about Bella's blossoming
independence. "When attachment parenting is done appropriately,
it results in a more independent child. They have a little more
sense of security."
While Rees was raised in many ways similar to attachment parenting's
ideals, she says it will come naturally even for people who were
raised in much more regimented styles. The three goals of attachment
parenting, she says, are natural: know your child, help your child
feel right, and enjoy parenting.
"It's following instinctive wisdom, gut instinct" she
says. "It's really following your gut feeling, and listening
to the baby's cues."
Stacy Smith Segovia is a features writer for The Leaf-Chronicle.
She can be reached at 245-0237 or by e-mail at stacysegovia@theleafchronicle.com.
Originally published March 28, 2006
http://www.theleafchronicle.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060328/LIFESTYLE/603280301/1024
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