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Parents- Experience a Child's Playful Heart
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January
10, 2006
Linda Milo
Playtime between a parent and a child creates a deep
emotional bond. It's the bond that sets the path for joyful, creative,
cooperative times by being together. Adults seem to shun fun and
games in their daily lives. As adults, we often get so caught up
in "grown up" business that we can forget how to have
pure fun. Some parents just don't know how to play with their children
or feel they don't have the time. It's no wonder - most parents
work a full-time job and feel drained with little or no energy at
the end of the day to feel playful. If only parents knew how much
playtime shapes their family life, more parents would welcome it.
They would come to know that it recharges their adult batteries!
Most parents played as children. Parentss experienced being silly,
laughing at nothing, playing games on their own or with their peers.
Why is it that parents today have forgotten how to play? Why do
parents feel like outsiders or simply ignore this way of communicating
with their children? Parentss make sure their children are loved,
comforted, safe, fed, and sheltered; but when it comes to playing,
most parents can't seem to get in the swing of it. Our society in
general doesn't take playing very seriously either. Most play professionals
such as day-care providers, after school program teachers, recreation
department workers and camp counselors are paid very low wages for
the really important work they do for our children's lives. These
workers are treated more as baby-sitters than experts on children
and play.
Playtime is a rewarding time for a fresh, renewed look at life.
It's the time when a zestfulness of living takes place. When a parent
plays with his child, there is a deep heart-to-heart vibration that
can overcome all the day's stresses and frustrations. Participating
in your child's playtime arena, whether it's on the floor, eye-to-eye,
sitting next to each other or across a table, creates enjoyment
and spontaneity, happiness, and an opportunity to interact as no
other activity can. Years of research has shown that successful
parenting is when there is a sensitive response to their child's
needs. This response includes physical contact, smiling faces, eye
contact, and communication, both verbal and nonverbal.
Some of my clients have said, "My family members need to feel
more connected. We seem to be disconnected and going in different
directions." Playing helps build that connection and communication
so vital to a loving family environment. Parentss can try to remember
and reconnect with that part of themselves that knows how to be
in the flow of fun. Asking a child to play with you and then allowing
your child to lead you to what they want to play and how they want
to play, is the first step to creating a deep connection. Hide-and-seek,
tag, chasing, wrestling, fantasy play, sports, pillow fights, art
projects, racing, etc. are games that all children like. You can
start by knowing that anything can be fun, especially doing it together.
Here are five ways to be a more lighthearted parent:
Lead the way - ask your children what type of activity they would
like to do with you. Talk it over and accept an activity that will
bring both of you a feeling of gladness. Think about what caused
you to giggle as a child. Children like rules - start the game with,
"OK, if we play there will be no giggling or blinking!"
Then pretend to fuss when your child breaks these rules! Let the
games begin!
Loosen up - playtime is just that: play and time. Don't worry about
messiness, noise, or commotion. Just remember to let the play flow
and follow it along. As long as you hear silly giggles, howls of
joy, see happy smiles, then you know that this playtime session
is a success.
Encourage Your Children - Understand that when you play with your
child it encourages strong feelings of excitement, exuberance, joy,
as well as frustrations, anxiousness, jealousy, and embarrassment.
Get a handle on these emotions by knowing that these emotions should
be freely expressed rather than having them buried and held inside.
So take time out during your playtime to stand back and remind your
child that having these feelings is okay, that being angry or being
joyful are emotions that are acceptable. This creates a deep connection
between you. After all, play is a child's way of expressing themselves
and their emotions.
Be Playful with Your Children - Use a voice that is relaxed and
goofy. Step outside of your everyday stern parent style and start
to feel the energy of play. Choose games that allow you to give
your children encouragement, inspire their confidence, allows for
their need of attachment and closeness. Give your children your
complete attention accompanied with love, hugs and affection. Always
promote win-win situations in the games you play and have a good
time!
Be Lighthearted - Being lighthearted while playing with your child
actually adds to your life and brings you time. Playtime is rejuvenating.
You may have to push yourself at first, but very soon thereafter,
you will feel, understand and want to play as the payoff is well
worth it.
To help your batteries feel recharged after your exhausting day
at work, take the initiative to spend more together time with your
children, even if it only means hugging them, talking to them, being
with them at the end of the day. Bring up everyone's spirits by
telling them how much they mean to you and what you most appreciate
about each family member. Create a healthy, energetic connection
today that your children will remember for the rest of their lives.
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